Feeling like a character from a Springsteen song, “…..someone took a knife baby, edgy and dull, cut a six inch belly in the middle of my soul”. Ouch! Angry and sad that my sense of self, or self worth is directly related to how well I serve others! I’m an Acupuncturist, an RN too, but my passion is acupuncture. I recognize there could well be some pathology here, or at the very least codependency, but in the desire for true transparency I must admit I find really helping another person feel good positively delightful! And, of course there’s also the sense of self worth associated with earning a decent salary. So, a day, or week, where patients are few, culminating in a day like today, one patient at 9AM,a no call/no show at 11,another cancellation at 2, legitimate though it was, she’s been admitted to a hospital (!), and one more patient at day’s end equals a full day at Clinic earning about what I did while working as a psych tech during nursing school, some thirty odd years ago!
A favorite quote from ‘The Course In Miracles’ is “ Beware of the tendency to see yourself as unfairly treated, it is a prescription for disaster” to which I say YES, so very true. Depression however is a thief, a nasty, mean unscrupulous thief, that robs passion, and energy, and of course joy. So that path down the road of self pity is an easy one to fall into. Ironically, it’s precisely the path that will yield the least helpful results! Talk about a conundrum!
I envision myself walking up and down the ave us with a sandwich board listing the myriad of conditions I know acupuncture can help! Wishing I could hand out little brightly colored papers bearing testimonials patients have written, or little video blogs of their beaming smiles after a treatment.