I’ve noticed I’m feeling more easily perturbed of late, even angry, and this bothers me…..sensing a rather futile cycle here! For example, people that don’t use turn signals, like the U-Haul truck in front of me that just stops, and pulls into a driveway. So I hit my horn, and say something sarcastic, like ‘no blinker on that thing?’ Knowing full and well someone could get out with a gun and shoot my tire! OK, a bit dramatic, but hell, there are times when angry words bring unwanted outcomes. Or the fellow on Line in front of me at gas station talking loudly on his cellphone to his honey….stuff I really don’t want to be privy to……I have all I can do to not blurt out, to no one in particular, ‘best argument I know that they should never allow cellphone use on planes’. He might have heard that and knocked me right on my sickly ass. Sickly is the operative word here, I’ve had Bronchitis for six days now, six miserable days, where walking from the bedroom to the kitchen is a feat! My anger scares me, but not as much as this human frailty. I’d like to say it’s the Prednisone the doctor has started me on, to prevent this from becoming pneumonia, but it’s too pervasive. I hate feeling weak, and not in control. It’s incompatible with how i see myself, strong, and the one who helps others. Plus there’s the pragmatic issue of being self employed, ie; no work-no Pay! Crap in my lungs and dust in my pockets does not make for a happy mood.
This too shall pass, or as my grandmother used to say, ‘it will all be forgotten in a hundred years’ in the meantime, I will practice silence, and try as best as I am able to remember that everyone is dealing with something. Maybe the guy driving the U-Haul was having a heart attack or something and had to turn abruptly. The fellow at the gas station knew nothing of public etiquette, and therefore deserved more compassion than judgement. And me, by the Grace of God come from strong stock, and I know this thing isn’t going to kill me, I’ll be back on the Nordic Track in a week, and this will be a distant memory.
Feeling like a character from a Springsteen song, “…..someone took a knife baby, edgy and dull, cut a six inch belly in the middle of my soul”. Ouch! Angry and sad that my sense of self, or self worth is directly related to how well I serve others! I’m an Acupuncturist, an RN too, but my passion is acupuncture. I recognize there could well be some pathology here, or at the very least codependency, but in the desire for true transparency I must admit I find really helping another person feel good positively delightful! And, of course there’s also the sense of self worth associated with earning a decent salary. So, a day, or week, where patients are few, culminating in a day like today, one patient at 9AM,a no call/no show at 11,another cancellation at 2, legitimate though it was, she’s been admitted to a hospital (!), and one more patient at day’s end equals a full day at Clinic earning about what I did while working as a psych tech during nursing school, some thirty odd years ago!
A favorite quote from ‘The Course In Miracles’ is “ Beware of the tendency to see yourself as unfairly treated, it is a prescription for disaster” to which I say YES, so very true. Depression however is a thief, a nasty, mean unscrupulous thief, that robs passion, and energy, and of course joy. So that path down the road of self pity is an easy one to fall into. Ironically, it’s precisely the path that will yield the least helpful results! Talk about a conundrum!
I envision myself walking up and down the ave us with a sandwich board listing the myriad of conditions I know acupuncture can help! Wishing I could hand out little brightly colored papers bearing testimonials patients have written, or little video blogs of their beaming smiles after a treatment.
I am thrilled to share that plans are underway for our ‘Happy Period Clinic’ at Relief At Hand in Seminole! As an RN and Acupuncture Physician I have heard far too many women share with me how they have endured unnecessary pain, and angst every month, for years. Honestly, I have patients in their 80’s who can recount with alarming detail how they suffered! Acupuncture, and Traditional Chinese Medicine can change this. Our clinic will be affordable, and allow women in the space of four weeks to have cycles which are normal, healthy, and pain-free! Stay posted for the dates….